It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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