The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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