it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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