I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize