I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
