there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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