Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize