u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
