dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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