The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
