Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
