U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
