Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
