Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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