Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
