Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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