you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
