when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The air was thick with penises
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
