I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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