If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
