I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
