There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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