i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
