im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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