Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
