I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
