Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
