should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
