I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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