I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
