My friends, they love my intelligence
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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