I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
