I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize
