i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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