i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
