Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
