Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
