Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
