Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
