return my video game
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
