I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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