I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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