yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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