Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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