It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
