Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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