M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
