we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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