So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
