Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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