I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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