I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
