whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dicks are not precious.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
