My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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