You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
