All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
