I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Drunk is a universal language darling
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