Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
