Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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