bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
