I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
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You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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