Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
