When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
