when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
